i hold up my paw

it may not be a thing of interest for you, but it occurred to me while i was in the can, that i've been clean since january (with one exception). and this in the presence of temptation.

i'm pretty proud of that fact. not in a loud, in-your-face kind of way, but more in an oh-maybe-i'm-less-self-destructive-than-i-thought-how-cool-is-that kind of way.

...of course the nit-picker window-peepers might say that while i've been clean of one "vice" i've picked up another. to them i say bah. the latter gives me more peace of mind than the former did.

a second opinion

so i thought about the army... yeah i really did. i figured 5 years of my life weren't that big of a deal. it's funny how paths diverge. sometimes i wonder how things would have been had i made a different decision here, or here.

you meet someone, and maybe you aren't walking on air. maybe birds don't burst into song, maybe flowers don't spring up along the path as you both walk by. but maybe that's okay. sometimes all you need is a soft place to lay your head.

dalida

i really enjoy her rendition of the song, paroles.

today's word is ambivalence. click here for the definition. i particularly like the part of the definition that includes "simultaneous and contradictory attitudes or feelings towards" quoique ce soit. le docteur dit que celui là indicates repression. i say, umm, yeah whatever. rather, i think it indicates a void where there should be something.

...is that a symptom of repression...?

round and round

it hit me like... not quite a ton of bricks, not quite a foot to the face, more like bird shit from above that i might have had an inkling of but still surprised me when it fell on my shirt. who knew gravity worked that quickly?

"it's/oh/so/quiet/it's/oh/so still/you're all alone/and peaceful until" (bjork)

"that old black magic has me in its spell/that old black magic that you weave so well/those icy fingers up and down my spine/that same old witchcraft when" (johnny mercer)

"til it's over and then/it's nice and quiet/but soon again/starts another big riot" (bjork)

the cycle goes round and round and round. i hope it travels somewhat on the z-axis; i hope i'm getting somewhere instead of just being trapped in a loop. don't get me wrong, it's a hella good ride, but one gets tired of those sudden stops.