Thursday, December 27, 2007

here's why

the honesty that calls the self-loathing
the loathing that responds to the call
the weakness of self
the salt in the wound
is the refusal to end it all


see, if i was strong enough, then i'd take the way out that is suicide. it's not a way that i recommend, but at least that way i could rest. if, as is said, death is nothing but sleep, then why not?

i am not as strong as they think i am. i can't do. i am not strong enough to stay to the decisions that i believe i should make. and so i hate myself. it's that easy.

but to actually end it. i am too much of a wimp to do so. and i hate myself for that as well. not enough moral fiber to act. it's a disgusting place to be.

Thursday, December 13, 2007


i'm sick.

unfortunately, while there are prolly drugs that i could take to remedy the situation, they are either illegal, or only made in the highlands of turkey by subsistence yak farmers. <--yeah i have no idea either.

if only i had taken the pie off the sill before it rained. darn rain. darn pie. darn window. stupid lost recipe; i can never make that pie again!

*off to seek annihilation*

...i always want to spell that (and the rest of the derivatives with only one n at the beginning)...

Monday, December 10, 2007

tick tick ticking

my friend is married 4 years now. ...damn but that's a minute... *gotta let that settle a bit*

they just brought a youngling into the world this fall.

i remember being in grade school with the newly minted parental unit. time passes, eh?

some of us keep moving, and others of us are perpetually stuck in that stupid revolving door. around, and around, and around.

Monday, December 03, 2007

hand and mouth

november is done. and i have once again reached the goal. it was a great month, full of stress, not enough sleep, and lots of writing loveliness.

in other news, ...some times the ritual appears more strongly than others. exhibit a = the sharing of bread and salt.