Friday, July 22, 2005

beef stew

a nice thick beef stew would be wonderful right about now. with lots of potatos and maybe even carrots & celery. and lots of spices.
i'd have it over rice. plain brown rice.
to cleanse the palate, i'd have tomato slices (not the wimpy ones either!) with mozzerella cheese. over which drizzled some olive oil, and over which sprinkled some basil.
and to close i'd like strong peppermint tea. maybe iced. maybe. definitely sweetened.
yeah. that sounds delicious.

except that i'm not really a fan of cooking beef. go figure. ...the idea of beef cooking in my frying pan makes me shudder. i'd probably have to buy another pan and dedicate it to cooking of the meat-kind...

so maybe i'll buy some stew. and add spices.

i'm a little surprised by the craving actually. because i'm not a beef person at all usually.

perhaps i'm low on some essential nutrient.

i think that deep down, i believe salvation is based in part on what one eats. funny huh?

Monday, July 18, 2005


did job ever get a heads up after his "trials & tribulations?"

i wonder about that.

how in the world does one's faith become that strong? perhaps he didn't recognize any other viable options?

how do i get to that point?

Thursday, July 14, 2005

no crying in aikido

my sensai said that one day. he was mis-quoting from the tom hanks movie about the girl baseball team; the title escapes me at the moment.

and it definitely applies to aikido. there isn't room for crying. i've seen someone crying on the mat though. and i've felt like it once or twice. sometimes the pain is incredibly vivid & jagged. but i think at times like those, i should be one with the pain. i shouldn't fight the pain, but let it pass through me. that is very difficult.

and i'm trying to keep that mindset with me even outside of the dojo. especially to keep it with me on the job.

because really, what does crying solve? absolutely nothing. it would be nice if i were one of those people whom crying helps. they feel better after letting everything out, sobbing & carrying on. i don't. i feel just as bad as before crying. except now my sinuses are a mess, and my eyes & throat are sore. definitely a net loss there.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

must be spring?

because the sap was really running in this story. or should i say in these vignettes? i like that word. somehow makes me think of vineyards, which makes me think of grapes, which makes me think of wine.

i have a soft spot for folks that break up then get back together again. and say that they like each other after getting back together.

i have a softer spot for folks that have been together for over 15 years and still like being in each other's company. why 15 years? i don't know. just seems like a good number.

as of this year, my folks have been together, legally, for about 33 years. they still talk to each other, if only in passing, and i think they might even like each other. i'm pretty proud of them for that; for a while, i thought open hostilities might errupt. no i'm joking. but there was definitely some type of cold war in progress.

as much as i love them, their example has taught me that marriage is kind of an institution where one loses more than one gains. one gains legal sex, and maybe a tax break. one loses, or relinquishes their claim to, respect. and although 2 > 1, respect trumps those others hands down.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

waves on lake superior

we used to vacation on the shores of lake superior, the michigan side. and we would play in that freezing water for hours. even in july that water was cold. oh my!

and we'd be in the water, and every so often a wave would surprise us. because for some reason we'd be facing the shore instead of "open water," and a wave would crash over us from behind. cold, shocking, water. (i'd love to be up there again. in a tent, with a camp stove; feeling minnows nibbling the toes as one sits with feet in the water; dawn over the lake... but i digress)

bsda is like that. members there offer shocking bits of information. the cold part comes crashing over me when i realize that perhaps there is truth in their ravings. and that truth is thoroughly undermining my theological fortress of all i hold dear. perhaps this is a good thing, and the resulting foundation will be more... rightly founded. because it's not like i'm going to just throw away all i have learned. i'm looking at this experience as an opportunity to gain more light. be more convinced of what i believe and why i believe it. build up a better foundation.

but change is rough. i've taken a lot of things for granted. and i don't like the uncertainty part that precedes enlightenment.