Monday, October 22, 2007


there are always choices...

but like the translator said, you should do the cost-benefit analysis and make an educated decision. the cost-benefit analysis isn't that bad, but making the decision <-- that can be a hella big step.

stepping off into the void
blue above, blue below
endless fall
spread-eagled, enjoying the wind
no thought for the end
sudden stop or gentle decel?

my math indicates that it might be time to make a change. okay, let me be honest, my math indicates that there is a high probability that a change is in order. however, i am curious about the path that i thought i'd not choose. how far can i push myself? how long before my body fails me completely?

for me, for now, i choose: slavery. ironic, yes i know. but all the while, i will continue to sharpen my field instruments. when the revolution comes, i am ready.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

squirrelly? perhaps

i hoard things. bits of paper, usually receipts but not always. old bits of pencils, empty pens. i find it hard to get rid of things, even things that i know i won't use again (ex. directions to js's old apartment, operative word being "old").

i hoard food too. although it isn't as obvious as the mounds of paper, and bits of string that by this time could be made into a full-size tapestry of the last supper. ...okay, okay, a 3/4 size tapestry. it's like i think that if i don't have packets of sugar, or airline peanuts, or cans of diced tomatoes squirreled away somewhere, things will go badly. which is ridiculous. i have a job and i trust in god. therefore, all should be well. needs will be met, etc., etc.

i don't mean to hoard things, i don't start out thinking to hoard, but sometimes i focus and see that yup, i'm doing it again. either that, or those darn packets of ketchup from mcdonalds, or wherever, just keep multiplying!

anyway. here's an interesting blog post from a libé blogger. i agree with her sentiments. she wants to help others, but is disillusioned by the lies and the manipulations. plus, if we are enabling, how is that really helping anyone? i find myself wondering that. it seems to be a lose-lose situation. if i give, i'm not really helping, if i don't give, then i'm going to hell because i'm a selfish bastard.