here's why

the honesty that calls the self-loathing
the loathing that responds to the call
the weakness of self
the salt in the wound
is the refusal to end it all

...

see, if i was strong enough, then i'd take the way out that is suicide. it's not a way that i recommend, but at least that way i could rest. if, as is said, death is nothing but sleep, then why not?

i am not as strong as they think i am. i can't do. i am not strong enough to stay to the decisions that i believe i should make. and so i hate myself. it's that easy.

but to actually end it. i am too much of a wimp to do so. and i hate myself for that as well. not enough moral fiber to act. it's a disgusting place to be.