well i'll tell ya

the longer i work at my current job, the more i realize all sorts of things about myself.
thing 1: i'm a harsh critic.
thing 2: i hold folk to a high standard and then despise them for their weakness when they don't measure up.

the good thing about those two facts is i) my criticism hits myself as well as others, and ii) i never measure up to the standard i hold for myself either.
the bad thing is i end up despising many people, as well as myself. lol.

hey, what's wrong with a little self-loathing anyway. right?

you and the broom you rode in on

you suck. yes i'm talking to you.

it pains me to admit it, because i have delusions of being a nice person, but i do not like you. i'd give you my kidney, if you needed it, but the bile left therein might possible poison you. and yeah i know that bile isn't normally in a kidney. however the ambivalence and conflict within me prior to my kidney leaving my body would probably manifest themselves in the inexplicable bile.

why do you suck? why are you on my list of people who no longer rate as people, but rather as evil spawn? stop asking silly questions. stop looking at me with your cow eyes. you know exactly what i'm talking about.

don't play innocent. with your music and your southern charm and your love of soft, beautiful things. i see past that flimsy illusion to the true darkness within. i thought i could ignore the truth. but denial can only go so far. and i have finished with that.

you suck. we are through.

hunger

i am so hungry that the void is beyond words.

the funny thing is i'm not sure what i'm hungry for. i do know it isn't food. maybe the hunger to be someone, to do something... to change my state, to act in good faith (as described by jean-paul and simone, those crazy kids).

i'm so hungry i can barely think.