mirror

i had a bit of a breakdown in december. nothing to really write home about, since no one was physically injured, no cops needed to be called, and no affidavits were filed.

one of the results was that i took yet another step back from the bretheren, here and elsewhere; i needed the cloak of distancing. standing a few steps away allowed me to lick some wounds without prying eyes, but it also caused me to see that some folks are really really bitter, and not even about just the group. these folks are bitter about life, love, and the pursuit of happiness. as an .org, sdas profess to have a particular hope. from some of these folks' tack, it would seem the hope is specific to the earth's destruction, to that one solitary fact. i find that rather depressing, and i don't want to end up like that.

yeah i know i can't change folk, and i can't change the world, but the idiot who said "i can make a dent," or something utterly inane along those lines, had a point. besides, doesn't hebrews (book of the bible, in case you aren't familiar) talk about faith and how it is a matter of acting on things that haven't happened yet? and don't sdas profess to believe said booklet? if so, why is there so much bitterness and cynicism? and i can ask these questions, as i am bitter and a cynic. however even though my credo is "life's a bitch and then you die" (and yes i stole it from others), i still hope, and i still act on that hope. i go out on limbs, knowing they will break under my weight, but hoping that at least i'll be able to touch the fruit's skin before i fall.

just a bit of prior softness ameliorates the ground's impact, kinda makes it worth it. hey, i'm funny like that.