Friday, June 17, 2005


welcome to friday.

i'm so tired, it's work to type. how does this happen?

folks talk about love. in the God context, in the neighbor context, in the significant other context, and in the family context. what do they mean by love?

i ask because i have a slight problem with feeling stuff. most of the time i don't. or it's at a very muted level. the only thing i feel strongly is anger. most of the time i'm angry. and if it's not on the surface, it is right beneath, ready to rise up. if i'm not angry, chances are i'm frustrated, grumpy and/or tired, or combinations of the above.

so i wonder, how do i know when/if i love? i tell family members i love, but what does that mean? can i love and be angry at the same time?

is it about actions? can i be generous, patient, without loving?

it is a profound mystery to me. i just don't get it. a series of veils i can't get beyond.

and yet i accept it when people tell me they love. i just am not sure what that means. for me, for them. God loves, therefore the Word became flesh. <--i accept, and am thankful, because that means there is hope. but what does that first verb (or second, depending on your pov) mean?


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