going home

i heard a statement a long time ago: you can't go home again.

and that statement is SO true. i mean, after leaving your parents' house for college, work, other, you can never return to that safe, warm, pre-natal place again. because it's all in the past. and time doesn't stop for anything short of the Divine. and it may never have even existed in the first place; a lot of dreams disperse, illusions fade, when one leaves "the nest."

i was reminded of that truth today. i used to be a member of a certain group. and it was a fabulous time. there was fellowship and support and no sense of inside-outside. however my status changed, and i have sort of moved on. however they graciously let me keep a foot in the door.

i attended one of their workshops today. as a panel participant. and it was like i was in some sort of half-existence. because i'm not a part of them anymore. if i am honest i must admit that my path has diverged. now i am on the outside. and it sucks.

as much as i may participate in their activities like i did when i was a full member, i can't go home again. the relationship has changed. my love for them, and their love for me, doesn't fix the break.